12/23/2008 08:23:00 pm

State of mind...

Posted by Rags




“Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.” – Christina G. Rossetti


I’m so down right now, time is really hard lately with some ups and downs. Personally I hate moaning about every little obstacle that comes up in my life. I have been feeling really sad lately. My self-esteem has dropped to such a low I don’t know if I can ever recover it again. My life at the moment really sucks.


If you have read one of my previous post where I have mentioned about my holiday to Bangalore to visit my parents, was so excited cause its been such a long time but sadly this morning I was told at work that they can’t grant my leave as its only now I have been promoted to different role in the company. Addition to that because of this economic downturn every one at work is really scared and no one including me is willing to take chances. So, I simply agreed to cancel my leave and re-apply in April 09.


God, I’m feeling so sad! But felt a bit relaxed after getting a bit of advice about my trip to Bangalore. According to my friend since the market situation is very bad and it’s been only 2-3 weeks since I got promoted for a new role at work so need to dedicate sometime and save some more money then plan my trip.

I feel like a crap anyways so well, decided to postpone my visit to Bangalore…

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12/04/2008 10:23:00 pm

Just when i thought ...

Posted by Rags



"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character. Would you slow down? Or speed up"? - Chuck Palahniuk


Just when i thought everything was finally going to be all right and everything seemed to be in place, something happened which bought me straight to the ground. Its nothing but the reminder of my commitments and responsibilities. 

Oh God, why can't life be simple without much complications? why do i always think twice to take any step? When i think about my commitments and responsibilities, my life seems to be in 'STILL' mode. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction and in addition feel like burdening myself more and more. Can't keep satisfying myself with false assurance anymore, Can't keep saying that "Everything is going to be just fine", when i know the fact that its not.

I feel like banging my head and screaming out loud till tears start rolling out. Things are very stressful lately, and no its not the job. Something is like killing me from inside by not giving me a chance to figure out as what it is so that i can work on to solve it. Everything seems to be going in a wrong direction at the moment. 

Guess, i reached to the point where there is no looking back and i feel stuck. Life is so confusing and i know its too early for me to feel that way but guess its the fact and i just need to make more sacrifice and as the time passes by need to make more decisions.

On a better note, will be traveling to oxford to catch up with my best friend. Hope its going to be nice get-away...


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12/02/2008 11:31:00 pm

One Of Those Days..

Posted by Rags



"Everything has been figured out, except how to live". - Jean-Paul Sartre



Last couple of days was one of those days where i was feeling very low. I was missing home, parents and closed ones so much. I just felt like not being myself and did some weird things like blocking myself from reaching outside world. It usually takes time for me to get back to normal but kept wondering as why i feel this way?

 It took a while for me to come up with the title for this post as 'One Of Those Days' and must say it truely makes sense because its quite often i feel this way and since there is no particular reason so need to say as its one of those days. I remember one of my close friend used to say that i just need a reason to feel low. But the question i keep asking to myself is 'Why will i look for a reason to feel low'? I mean common, who wants to be sad? I kept saying myself that i need to be responsible and act like a matured adult. ( Whatever that means...lol).

On the other hand feeling low creates a lot of problem for me, like not being able to concentrate at work which is really bad and that makes my self-esteem to hit rock bottom and everything i say comes out negatively (GGrrrrr). 

Anyways, there was some good news to cheer me up, my leave got sanctioned from 23rd Jan 09 to 15th Feb 09 i will be traveling to bangalore (India) to spend some time with my parents. God knows how much i miss them....


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